All A’s. This is a story of a tortured gifted kid. The one who didn’t fit quite right with the top reading group, but kept the pace and never lacked in understanding.
Throughout high school, I watched kids who were in the same groups as I was as a kid excel in amazing ways.
I resented them with internalized passion. A neglected intellectual who inadvertently developed a superiority complex to his fellow students.
Yet, they never saw this, and instead only saw a low self-esteemed stoner who didn’t care about his future as he pissed it away hanging out with the rest of the bums.
Teachers questioned me on my choice of friends. They looked at me with a different eye than the other students. Cautious, yet inviting. Possibly afraid.
Why is he doing this? What is he hiding from us? What is wrong with him?
Any teacher that showed any interest in my well-being received my full attention. I would never show disrespect, I showed interest in class, and I always tried my best with school work.
My scapegoat home life transferred over to the first grade classroom. I became the “problem”, constantly being called out and moved to “time-out”. Letters sent home about my behavior.
Despite being among top-performers in class, I felt different from these children. They weren’t as sensitive as I was, their minds not poisoned by feelings of low worth.
My teacher couldn’t understand why such a bright kid, from a good family, and got along fine with the other students, created the most problems for her.
Thank you, first-grade teacher for reaffirming my status as the scapegoat. Thank you, first-grade teacher for reaffirming my status as the golden child.
I take my evaluations from that class with a grain of salt. It’s a shame I now have to rely purely on my own memory of how things were, trust my own perspective, because I was improperly evaluated as a child.
I fled the academic limelight in middle school, when puberty crushed any sense of self-esteem I may have had. Yeah, I was in the honors classes, but eventually I faded out of the maths and sciences, feeling inadequate and disinterested in engineering; My school focused heavily on pushing students to pursue engineering related fields.
I loved History, English, and Spanish. I could never keep up with the workload of Honors English, at least that’s what I told myself.
Gotta keep that GPA up somehow. You’re gonna need scholarships, you need to go to a ‘good’ school.
Honors History is the only class I stuck with, and the only AP credits I received. 5 on the test, by the way.
When I received national recognition for placing on a Spanish comprehension exam, why did I then proceed to drop out of the honors level class to be with the common monkeys in the standard level class.
Why did I feel such guilt when my former Honors teacher walked into my new classroom during a regular “classroom riot” and asked, “Do you like being in here?”, in a tone treated to the most disappointing of students.
Why was there no follow-up? Why, when I couldn’t explain why I was requesting that she drop my level, was I not directed to some form of academic counseling?
Was I really that good at hiding the red flags or do they not know what the red flags are? Why was I written off by some (strictly female teachers) as another unambitious, lazy student and hailed as a mature, intelligent young man by others (every male teacher).
Why do we not speak about the lack of males present in the school systems? What about the damage done to young men who are strictly raised by women? Is that preferred to any damage to the young women of our society?
This is NOT in any form, a suggestion that the situation would be any less worse for girls being educated predominantly by men.
If anything, this is a strong recommendation that we take a balanced approach to hiring teachers for the sake of the young men who lack strong parental figures and are discarded as future dregs on society.