It’s been a little past two weeks where I haven’t had an interview or a meaningful phone call.
I thought on Monday that I would finally get some action on Wednesday morning with a solid phone screen for a role I could do.
I did more prep on Monday and Tuesday than I have for any other roles and was ready to go.
At 10:18 am I receive a flurry of emails from their AI bot that my meeting has been cancelled.
Confused, concerned, I immediately fired off an email asking what was up and if I could provide more availability.
The recruiter responds dopily, and informs me that the meeting has in fact been cancelled and not only would we not be meeting at another time, the “role had been cancelled”.
He’d “circle back” when he knows more. Safe to say I will never hear from that knucklehead again.
I was pretty defeated. I’ve already been slain ten times over and yet somehow, they managed to create a new wound.
Much to my surprise — my resilience shone through. My attitude was fairly positive after an hour or two and I just dove back into applying mode.
An hour or so into the applying I receive a message on my phone. It’s from my ex – sending me congratulations!
For what — The curious soul may wonder what great success has been blessed upon me in the weariest of times.
Why, for getting a new job of course. All that time I was unsupportive because I knew you would get a new job. I hope you’re happy…
Um. Excuse me? What the fuck are you talking about?
I had updated my LinkedIn a week ago so it was clear I was no longer working at my previous company since some gawkers from said company kept viewing the profile of the desecrated corpse they thought they once knew.
There was no update or anything of the sort. I don’t even care how it happened, but I honestly shouldn’t have responded and really just wanted to say fuck off.
She was unkind and unsupportive during my death throes of February. I received thoughts and prayers and was meeting resistance whenever I tried to talk about things that bothered me. It was always about why it shouldn’t bother me – and that bothered me!
To stroll back around and gloat, as if you knew anything at all about how things are to happen, and act as a well wisher – just fuck off, please.
I don’t think I’d be in this mess if I hadn’t let that relationship drain me for as long as I let it.
It’s my fault and ultimately my decision that I’m in this predicament. I’m not assigning blame to her. I am commenting on the reality of the relationship and the negative consequences of its dynamic on my well being.
Anyways…
I sent out more applications today. Received two or three rejections. Have to pay the rent.
I’m going to be throwing up nearly 4 grand, paying June’s in advance. Fuck it. The money was just sitting there anyway.
In a sharp transition of topics, I am getting kinkier and I am probably a bisexual. So that’s cool I guess. That certainly helps my general marketability.
I’m going up to Maine this weekend to hang out with friends. I should be able to clear my depression for two days, and it’ll be nice to just get out for a minute.
I need some relief to come, and let it be in any form, I don’t care.
Thanks for reading and be good to yourself.
Blanc Thoughts 