It has been 3 weeks since I last spoke to an interviewer for a job. He was the second formal interview and we went 15 minutes over, and he responded to my follow-up email. All meaningless. You can’t search for meaning in any interaction and you can’t even rely on your evaluation on “how the interview went”.
A few days later, the recruiter asked me to keep her apprised of any other opportunities I had. I said there were none but I would let her know.
One week from the interview, I followed up with the recruiter for next steps. I let her know that I was proceeding to in interviews with two other roles (true). She requested that I provide more details about my experience with PowerBI. I provided a thorough response, for which she thanked me and promised news “early next week”. I never heard “early next week” and followed up on the Thursday.
I had an interview with a software company during that week that went very well and was informed the same day that the hiring manager wanted to speak to me. The interview was set for Tuesday of last week, and was cancelled on the Monday. I heard from the recruiter on Thursday that they filled the role with someone in the company that lives in Poland. That hurt a bit. The recruiter actually had emotion about it, and asked to call me to provide the update. She said I could reach out if I saw any other roles and that she’d keep me in mind. It’s kind, but I know she won’t.
I had received another call about a very specific role I was very qualified for. The interview was set for Thursday of last week. They said I’d hear by Friday. I followed up late on Friday with the 3rd party recruiter and was told they didn’t decide yet. Today, it’s been a week and we’re halfway through the afternoon with no word. I suppose I didn’t get it.
The first company never got back to me “early next week”, but when I followed up, she said they were still interviewing internal candidates. What keeps me on the hook with them is the amount of information that they provide about the process. The hiring manager said to me “We’re gonna push through the internal interviews, then after you meet with <REDACTED> there’ll be a panel.”
I am trying so hard, so so hard, not to read into this.
But now it’s been three weeks. It would be consistent of me to follow-up this afternoon.
I had a lull of applying to jobs the last 3 weeks. Now, after amassing further defeats, I have started up again.
I cannot help but feel that I am in big trouble. Not only that I am in big trouble, but the country is. Losing jobs to Polish and to H1B visa holders. News reports are not holding back on evaluations of the job market. Things are bleak. Unemployment higher than reported.
For me, there is no excuse. There will be no saving me. I did this to myself. I left a shitty, abusive company, on my own will, and have totally fucked myself in doing so.
Refreshing my email, and all I receive are bills, advertisements, and “job postings” that are from shit aggregate sites that rip from other sites that require a paid membership.
I want to tell you to not do this. Do not hang by the telephone. Do not allow your mind to wander into fantasies of receiving the offer. But you will.
We have to pull ourselves out of the deep. I won’t receive the offer if I stop applying. If I stop manipulating my resume to match the job description.
I’m in it now, and if you’ve found this post, you probably are too.
I won’t hide from you my intense regret. Never again will I be so foolish to think I have any power in this world. To be so foolish to think relieving my mental anguish at the hands of a money grubbing company is worth the suffering and risks that follow.
We have allowed for employers to own the game. Our labor is expendable. Replaceable.
I have made the mistake of checking the workday of the company I may be in the running for. The posting no longer exists…
The status of my application is still “In Process”.
Naturally, my mind has raced to a million possibilities.
However, after writing this all out — I feel nothing in regards to this discovery.
It could mean something. The odds are that its bad. An offer went out to someone else. I haven’t been told I’m not moving forward.
I will exercise today. I have been lifting weights again.
It helps tire me out, keeps me sane, and is healthy. I haven’t been walking as much. I had some kind of social anxiety relapse and don’t want to be seen. I will have to break that but one battle at a time.
Ahhhhh jeez…God help us.
Blanc Thoughts 