My perilous leap of faith, testament of will, has proved to be a fruitful endeavor.
There’s got to be something better than this.
I got incredibly lucky with a great new job, company, and team.
My new friend, and teammate, is possibly the funniest person I have met in my adult life. He reminds me of my school friends throughout life. He has unmedicated ADHD and is a hurricane of a person in the best of ways. I love storms so my characterization of him as a hurricane is of endearment.
Powerful, chaotic, and amazing to watch from a safe distance.
We talk about girls. A fulfilling topic that I have been unable to discuss in a workplace since my high school and college job.
He is essentially the mayor of this workplace. He knows everyone (this is a massive company, like 10k+) and they all clearly like him. In my first few weeks, following him around was literally like being with a famous person. Every passerby has something to say, needs his momentary attention, and hardly notices me present.
He’s charismatic, to put it simply. A charmer. Of course I like him! Literally everyone does!
Anyways, I’ve been living through him quite a bit as he embarks on romantic incursions across the workplace. Mostly unsuccessful in the past, these two active ones have my complete interest in their potential for him.
At first I was passive, merely witnessing this and trying to keep my amusement a secret. He detected my delight almost immediately and began questioning me on my smile, which turned into laughter, as I knew I would struggle to explain myself.
Both of his conquests are attractive in different ways. Objectively, both are pretty, presumably smart girls. One, sticks out to me as a real cutie.
Admittedly, as the week has gone on, I can sense my envy slipping into the picture. As he mulled back in forth “his options”, the answer seemed obvious to me…thus sparking my envy.
I’m well aware of it, and am merely acknowledging the feeling’s presence, not being taken by it.
How this happened, though, is interesting.
He was messaging the girl and was announcing it to me, and the room, I quickly suggested a response I had used before in a similar situation – and he took my advice!
Well, later on, we were walking to the location she works for another reason. I turned around, and there she was, following behind us. Head slightly down, eyes up that quickly met mine, and a mutual smile. I noticed her long dark hair, her outfit, and pretty smile.
We entered the room, and my friend began addressing her. As I placed our belongings in a locker, I turned around and found her eyes again. It was so instant, I felt I was being looked at. My eyes met hers, if that makes sense. Again a pretty smile.
I noticed she had on just a small bit of black makeup that girls put on their eyelids. Something alt-y about it. Reminding me of girls I wished so badly to date in high school. The ones I knew I had a lot in common with, but for some reason, perhaps my conflicted identities, I felt I could never make it happen.
She has very pretty big teeth. Its a very particular look. I found it very attractive on Larry David’s wife Cheryl in Curb your enthusiasm. This is similar. She looks like a less-athletic, more librarian cutesy version of Caitlin Clark. Maybe Caitlin Clark mixed with Margaret Qualley (my ultimate celebrity crush).
Dark eyes too. Brown if I had to guess. A very soft voice.
Anyways…I begin to get dressed for the next room, and I notice him and her are ready to head in. She enters, and he looks back at me and another guy and I say, teasingly, “no no, you go on ahead in, we’ll find you”. Encouraging him to go after her.
At this point, I still wasn’t feeling how I feel now.
Then, we are in the room, having a meeting in the middle of the floor. I look over, and once more, my eyes meet hers through a crack in a bench. I hold it for a second or two. Maybe she’s just glancing over here. No…she’s definitely looking hard. I’m addressed and I go back to the meeting. I refuse to glance back because I’m starting to feel and think about it all too much.
At some point, maybe later as I drove home, the second eye contact scene hit me again. She was close to me, where I really got a good look at her. I felt a pang in my heart. Skipping a beat maybe?
A crush…
That’s really what all this is. A little crush. I am always asking. She’s pretty and I’m very curious – shoot me!
The point of this is to say that my life feels fun and romantic again. I’m getting close to loving life and healing my soul.
Thank God For Crushes and Rizz God Friends.
Blanc Thoughts 