Things are looking up

They most certainly are!

I’ve had a major pay-off this week after setting a goal and doing whatever it took to get there. It makes work fun when there are rewards. I’ll likely never get it again and I beat out a lot of very talented people for this award.

Anyway – it feels good.

Song of the moment:

This is from the Elton John movie, Rocketman (2019). Do yourself a favor – add the original to your Spotify, Apple Music, whatever it is you use – it’s a turn it up to 11 kind of song.

I’ve been working out consistently for about a month and a half too. I leave everything there. I sweat out the sadness, the pain, and tire myself out so I have much less energy for rumination.

Love ain’t happening any time soon. I’m not closed off completely but I’m also not making any concerted effort to get anything going.

Truthfully, I’m not ready. I really wonder if I ever will be. The derailment that occurs is mind-blowing. I don’t know exactly how it happens – but I do know that it’s something I need to solve for.

I’m kind of a massive pushover in everyday life. I aim to please and I do not accept failure from myself when someone asks for my help.

I’m consulting someone on the side of my regular career. Essentially tutoring them and working to help them solve things in their role. I’m doing it for free – out of friendship. I literally don’t want anything from this – I just like to feel useful. Maybe I’ll set up a side business since I know I can do it.

Eventually things will get better and stay better. Sometimes it feels fleeting. Or that I’m being yanked back into the past by my brain. Trying to redo life that’s already been cemented.

I have to keep my thoughts positive. I know some people (myself included) like to bitch about “toxic positivity”. Yeah, well – here’s the thing – if I don’t attempt to find the positive out of a negative I will spiral out of control and into a decision that I will not be able to take back. You know what I mean.

I’m not going to be walking around as Mr. Sunshine & Rainbows, but my insides should be able to weather storms and bring about blue skies.

I really liked this from The Dark Knight Rises – completely forgot Joseph Gordon-Levitt was even in the movie and he plays a really, really touching character. In this scene, John Blake (Gordon-Levitt) has deduced Bruce Wayne’s secret identity, Batman, and enters Wayne Manor to inform Wayne that his enemy, Bane, is building an army in the sewers of Gotham, and that the police commissioner (Batman’s ally). At the end of the movie, it is revealed that John Blake’s full name is actually Robin John Blake – a nod to Batman’s most famous sidekick.

Practice smiling in the mirror…it’s like putting on a mask.

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