Taki dust under my fingernails

Taki dust residue is a real problem.

If you’ve eaten Doritos, you understand the pleasure of sucking your fingers dry after crushing the family size bag your mom just bought and said to “make it last”.

With Takis, this is a far more difficult task.

First off, I doubt the ability of anybody to eat a regular bag of Takis in one sitting. Human stomach linings are not built to support that level of abuse.

Last night I enjoyed a few spicy chili (with a hint of lime) Takis and was left with a bright red dust on my Taki grabbing and holding fingers: Right hand, thumb, index, and middle.

Kinda gross, but no problem — I know what must be done.

So I popped the fuckers in my mouth, one by one, and sucked ’em so hard I could feel my sexual orientation bending at the waist.

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No, sucking your fingers does not make you gay.

It just means that you might have been a good gay, had your hand been dealt a little differently.

I’m so confident in my fatass abilities – I been doing this a looooong time, bucko – that I didn’t even bother to check my fingers until this morning.

The dust was still there.

Now I’m a little upset.

How long do I have to deal with the guilt of eating Takis? While I’m eating them — I know what I’m doing is wrong. 

Why must I continue to face this demon twelve hours later. On a new day! Can’t we let the past be the past, Takis? Why must your dust stay glued to your fingers for so long? I’m not going to forget about you. I know where you’ll be when I come home. 

Takis, I just feel that our relationship could benefit from a little more space. I don’t need to be reminded of you every second of the day. You don’t need to be worrying about me all day. 

You’re the snack for me, Takis. No other hot, spicy, hinted lime snack could take your place. Come on now, you don’t have to play your games with me, you know you’re special…

 

HOLD

THE

PHONE…

 

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Takis — we should talk…

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