I ignore my phone calls

To be fair, it’s The American Red Cross that keeps calling me. If that’s not justifying enough, allow me to explain why I cannot bear to answer these phone calls.

For two years now (when I first donated blood), I have been dodging these phone calls for weeks at a time until they stop for a while. Every time they suddenly call again (a Red Cross donor drive is happening near my zip code) I fall for the number and answer it thinking it may be a phone call I should answer.

The minute I realize it’s the Red Cross I want to hang up. I hate the feeling of being trapped in a phone call. It’s two voices bound together by the phone line, and one voice is asking promises of the other.

If you’ve never been subject to a phone call by these people, I can sum up the call for you.

If you’re lucky, it’s a robo-call informing you that there is a blood drive nearby and that you should make your way there to a donation.

Not so bad, right?

I actually don’t mind these calls. I react like your typical one-time-donor-who’s-never-going-to-donate-again, “Oh! That’s great. If I have the time then I’ll try to get over there.” and think nothing more of it.

Then they stop playing.

They call again. I recognize the number this time (or not because I forget so easy) and debate answering.

I’m expecting the robot to inform me of the drive again and maybe this time I’ll take the information down and seriously consider donating blood. Fuck it – I could save a life. 

If I answer, it goes like this.

I pick up the phone, and slide to answer the call. There is a silence as I put the phone up to my ear, second guessing the action I don’t want to speak first,

“Hello, Mr. Blanc”

Woah, that is not a robot. This is a person. They caught me. I want to hang up, but if I hang up after realizing it’s a person, how could I live with myself?

Someone out there will know that Dara Blanc is a jerk who won’t donate his much needed blood. Didn’t he read the emails about the value of O+ blood type we sent him? 

I can’t risk somebody thinking that of me, I’m not like that! I swear! I’m an organ donor!

“This is the American Red Cross, we are in desperate need for your blood type, O+. Would you like to set up an appointment for your nearest blood drive?”

Now, this is where I stick with my original avoidant reaction of not wanting anything to do with this call but stay on the line playing along with no real intention of setting up an appointment.

“Oh, hello! Oh, there’s a blood drive nearby? When can I stop by?” 

I have absolutely no intention of stopping by. I might have before when it felt like the robot was giving me a friendly reminder (as friendly as a robot can be), but now? 

They’ve sicced humankind on me to pull on my empathetic and push-over ways? Well then…I will not succumb to your pressures! The only blood you’ll get out of me is the skinned-knee I got from trying to jump five steps up the big staircase at work.

“Yes, it’s located at blah blah blah, can I set you up with a time that works best for you?”

Slow down, cowgirl. I don’t commit to my McDonald’s order before I pull up to the menu, what, makes you think that I am going to set a date with a Red Cross nurse?      Get  Out  Of  Here. 

Maybe if I was a weaker man you’d get me. I will not fall for your cheap tricks, jedi. 

I don’t know, maybe I am a jerk for not taking myself of the do not call list. Except I’ve tried, and it’s hard to find where to go. Even if you do manage to find a do-not-call list, it may not be the right one.

Once you’re on a call list, you’re never getting off. I’ve asked the person on the line to remove me before. Yikes, now that was an awkward phone call. Especially when she called me the next day to set up an appointment.

I wish do-not-call lists would actually work.

Anyways, I’m due for some much deserved BTO (Bathroom Time Off). 

No, I didn’t have to make an appointment.

P.S.

I was searching for an image of ‘hang up’ to go along with this post and this torture device popped up.

Image result for hang up

If somebody knows what this is, or how it’s used, please shoot me an email explaining the practical uses for this crazy thing.

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