Ahhh…Wednesday morning…I left my ID badge at home…My carpool wanted to go to dunkins instead of starbucks…Not a problem…But now I feel like a fatty after woofing down a sausage egg and cheese (on an everything bagel – fuck a croissant)…All that’s left of my medium ice (just whole milk) is a half cup of ice and the infinite sip of coffee that sits at the bottom of the slowly melting ice….
Wednesdays at this office are basically Thursdays. Nobody stays past noon on Fridays except the contractors and my intern ass. Good thing is I don’t have much to do and can usually bounce out around three and nobody will really care.
I’ve been watching this guy HaHa Davis on youtube, he does these “Thoughts when…” videos that are so relatable. I love the honesty he puts into it, you can really tell he does a lot of work putting together these videos and creating his own catchphrases. “Crazy man, crazy man – Yeah, that’s me!” I’ll drop a link to my favorite video and you can launch down the same binge path that I did. There’s real value in binge-ability! I’m more inclined to watch a show when I don’t have to wait for the next episode, I can just watch it one after another.
Waking up was hard as hell today.
I fell asleep around 10 or 11, woke up at 5 with my mouth drier than your granny’s cooter and chugged the last few room temp sips of my Yeti water. I woke up for real at 6:30, tired.
I can’t stand this shit! On Monday, I fell asleep at 9 o’clock – 6:30 rolled around and I woke up tired too!
Where is the sweet spot?!
Is it even possible to feel well rested?
Sleeping in doesn’t provide me any satisfaction because I wake up angry that I missed out on the best hours of the day — I don’t get anything done past 2 p.m. so the morning hours really count for me.
Maybe I should stop smoking so much.
I do it every night and it really limits my ability to complete tasks from the hours of 8-10 p.m.
At the same time, I feel that loosening myself up by smoking is good for my stress management.
And at the same time as that, it feels ridiculous for me to attempt to optimize two hours of the day, after working a full-time gig and going to the gym after.
I don’t know, if I stopped, would I really miss it? It’s no doubt nothing more than a boredom tic that I’ve developed being in college.
That’s to say it’s probably not a habit I will carry on the rest of my life…
Although if I can afford to have that kind of habit…I’ll probably have a really laid back life…now that sounds more like it!
It’s weird to dream about my future life when I simultaneously feel like I have no direction and no momentum to actually arrive where dreams meet reality.
I’m also so often underwhelmed by reality that I can’t stand it for long.
The latest disappointment was learning that nine-to-five office life is not as depicted in The Office – like at all.
There’s no camera for me to look at when a coworker throws out some suspect shit. More importantly, there’s no Pam for me to jokingly flirt with all day – unless Pam can be a 50 year old cougar in an unhappy marriage…then we’re somewhere.
There is a Jan Levinson-Gould character here though, that works pretty well for me.
“If I can’t have my Pam, then I better have my Jan” – Michael Scott, probably, had they given him another season.