My mood has been souring the past few days.
It takes some build up for me to have a real bad day.
I had today off from school and work, and going into the day I hadn’t made any plans (other than working out).
I woke up and felt off immediately, I couldn’t drag myself out of bed until 10 and made my way to the gym around 1.
I spent the hours in between trying to plan for my girl’s visit home.
There’s a lot of fall themed things I want to fit in for her, and a lot of ideas for other things we can do.
I feel stressed about making it all work. My car is old and on our last weekend away, the left blinker stopped working and the transmission was acting up.
It’s been to the shop since and nothing changed. I dropped it off today and am praying for a financially friendly fix.
The car is hardly mine anymore. Every time I go to use it the seat is shifted forward, the rear view is adjusted, and there is a pair of trendy aviators in the cup holder.
I don’t care about someone using my car, but when I wake up on the weekend with plans and my cars not there — it adds some unnecessary frustration to my day off.
As I write this, the stress lifts away from my girls visit a little bit. The bottom line is that I want to spend the weekend with her and I don’t really care what we do.
It’s after this coming weekend and I’m trying hard to be excited through the stress of preparation.
I’ve sent out emails to four counselors/therapists in my area.
I fell out of touch with my last therapist as he deemed me “cured”.
Which is partly true – he was a great therapist – but I really just need someone to talk to.
I don’t get it, they try to fix you up and ship you out – but some of us don’t need fixing and just need to offload things onto someone without feeling the guilt that comes with complaining to someone.
The two that I want to hear back from – a young guy who’s fairly new to being a therapist – and – a dude from California who’s bio is all about “challenging the system”.
I’m down to try out the “older brother” type therapist, but I’m really hoping that this California Communist can take me in.
I’m functioning fine, I’m just a lot more anxious than usual. Loud noises make me jump, my tolerance for socializing is low, my desire for a better day is through the roof.
I’m cleaning my room today. A big clean.
Getting rid of clothes I don’t wear, out of season clothes, and trying to fix up my nightstands and dressers.
Hopefully I can get it all done and do a little bit of homework later.
I hope anyone reading this is doing well. We all have our bad days and I’m having some of mine right now. If you are too – there’s nothing to fear. Hang onto your cool, and remain patient. Be honest with your feelings to yourself and anyone close to you. Accept that you’re not feeling alright. Eventually the clouds will part and the sun will shine through.
🙂
Hey, if you’re reading this – you know I’m talking to you – I really miss you today. It’s rainy here and I want to light a fire, pull up our movie list, and cuddle the night away.
Love,
D
Blanc Thoughts 