Mid-Day Roughness

I forgot to mention that I threw up while driving to the gas station this morning. It was fucking disgusting.

I woke up with an intense thirst and took three gulps from my monstrous water bottle.

20 minutes later it ejected it’s way up my esophagus and onto my passenger side floor.

Awful, awful. I remember it happening before when I woke up really early to work out back when I was healthy. I think there’s some phenomena with the stomach when waking up earlier than usual.

Anyways, it’s lunchtime here now. I got a coffee and something quick to eat before anyone else got down there. There’s a lot of people here today for holiday celebrations.

I don’t want to participate anymore. I’m not in any holiday spirit today. I’m trying to be optimistic about this break-up situation but the truth is that I’m reeling from it. I can’t do anything about it so I just gotta get over it and move on with my life.

I think I’ll go to the gym again today. It’ll feel good again.

God dammit…I have to rant again. I’m not happy. I don’t get why we had to do this dating/friendship confusion. I don’t get why she wanted to date other people if she says she loves me. It just makes no sense. Absolute mixed signals. I don’t know if it’s intentional, as in out of selfishness, or if it’s just confusion. I don’t really know if that makes any difference. It’s just stupid, in my opinion. Stupid behavior begging to be responded to. Why would you tell someone they’re special and that you love them and go on and meet other people. Why even come back to me in the first place? I was set to move on. And now I feel as if I was yanked back into the whole fucking thing. Crying about it all over again.

This shit just makes me mad. I wish I wasn’t so bad at this fucking dating thing. I wish I cared about it more. It’s just brought me bushels of pain, over and over again. It’s hard to give a shit. It’s also hard to accept that “I’ll just find someone one day”. Well, I’m lonely NOW, so “one day” doesn’t sound good to me.

I don’t know. I thought school and work were hard. This takes the cake.

It’s just bad dude. I better suck it all up and get through this fuckin’ day. The gym will feel good. I’ll live. I will rise again. I just needed to vent this shit out into space. The gym will feel good, I’ll live, I’ll rise again.

Until next time.